chords of power

Jazz is the new metal

2010-03-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

Let's hope not.

Did Arnica miss anything?

2010-03-11T11:04:00.000-08:00

If you, correctly, only check this blog once a year, then you will not have noticed anything strange. But, if you, incorrectly, check this blog on a more than annual basis, you will notice that Arnica has not posted in a few months. Why? Arnica has been very busy these past months attempting to save the planet, But has recently given up on such a lofty endeavor because, after watching an episode of Real House Wives of Atlanta, three episodes of The Bachelor, four episodes of The Forgotten, and six minutes of the nightly news, Arnica has decided that the world is beyond help.

What was it, you who has too much time on your hands might ask, that brought Arnica back to the fold and caused him to post another post thingy on this blog-a-ma-jiggy?

Well Arnica will tell you. There is a movie coming out. The movie is about one of the greatest rock band ever, The Runaways. Now, Arnica has no idea what their music sounded like but knows they were a great band because he has seen pictures. Arnica feels it is his obligation to rank the hotness of the band members, from memory. Ready? Here we go.

1: The singer, Cherie Currie.
2: The drummer who shall remain nameless (because Arnica has no idea who she was).
3: Joan Jett, black leather hotness
4: Everybody else who was ever in the band
5: Lita Ford, who didn't get hot until her solo career.

There, now you know.

It's been a dream

2009-09-24T03:20:00.000-07:00

Arnica has no idea who these stinky European blokes are, but they did what Arnica has dreamed of doing ever since he was a wee lad sitting on his parent's knee watching Van Halen perform/lip sync on American Bandstand.

These Boys switched instruments after being told they were going to lip sync their song for this show. The drumming is the best. The funny thing is, since this is electro-pop crap with lots of synth and keyboards, it's really hard to tell they are faking it. the not sing when you should part is a dead give away.

The poor man's Micheal J. Fox tries break into comedy

2009-09-22T09:16:00.000-07:00

Who is this guy? He looks so familiar—like Arnica has seen him on TV. Arnica cannot quite put his grubby finger on it, but he feels like this dude used to be on some show, back in the eighties, about some family where the dad was a doctor that worked at home and the wife was a professional and... Oh ya!

This is Malcom Jamal Warner, of The Cosby Show, doing a little stand-up routine on the you-tubes. Malcom was big in the eighties, but Arnica does not remember him being funny. Now, in the zeros, it appears he is a fricken laugh riot. Check out his act.

Oh Arnica's gawd, that was funny. Arnica peed his pants (well he would have peed them had he been wearing them but Arnica prefers to get his blog on with no pants on). That was hysterical. Wow, he sure can tell a tale. Pure talent that Warner fellow.

Anyway, this chick, in addition to being three things; smart, super hot, and correct (Wait, she is four things. She is smart, hot and correct, AND sorely in need of a new hair stylist. The blind retarded one she uses now—not so good.), has the best response to Malcolm Jamal Warner's comedy bit. Someone, get that girl a bottle of relaxer. STAT!

Lord, Arnica has never wanted to be a flat iron more than he does right now. Let Arnica take out your wave, baby.

ArniMo Out!

But you can be retared for the party. That's fine

2009-09-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

Who is she? Nobody?

Why did Arnica post this? Last night, Arnica was enlightened when he watched an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta—a show that would be better titled: too many wrecks, not enough trains. One of the whores on the show tried to record a dance song. The song was amazingly bad. But the recording is slightly less bad than expected. Still sucks, but not as much as Arnica thought it would.

Enjoy. If that is even possible with this turd on toast.

bike racing dork rap

2009-08-24T19:18:00.001-07:00

There are four types of bicycle riders. There are your old folks riding the comfort bikes, going 2 miles and complaining about how sore their butts are. There are awesome riders such as yours truely, who ride bikes not caring how they look, and not caring how heavy their bikes are, and who ride long distances for fun and who also enjoy drinking and drug taking while riding. There are the hipster track bike riders, and there are the racers.

This video is funny and pokes fun of hipsters and racers.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

two girls, two bikes, too cool

2009-08-22T19:14:00.000-07:00

Arnica's star pupils in his expert gymnastics/bike repair class have decided to strike out on their own and try their luck in the world of competitive bike dancing. Break a leg, Olga and Cornelia. Your country is rooting for you (to not get hurt).

Blow up the Cruck

2009-08-19T10:48:00.000-07:00

What's a cruck? Half car, half truck. 100% blow-up-able.

My pal, Micheal Serpe has a car that he needs blowed up. Help him, Conan.

Arnica first met Micheal after watching him open for Jeromy Enigk at the Old New Moe's Rocking Something or Another, in 1996. Michael records and releases his own records on his own record label, HomeRecordedCulture. Micheal has even been gracious enough to let Arnica play bass and guitar on a few songs. Arnica has no idea what songs those would be since it has been such a long time since the sessions, and because Arnica doesn't care about personal recognition of his true artistic ability. He does it for the music.

Micheal now lives in Arizona where it's hot all the time. He has a car. He wants to blow it up.

this picture is included so that Arnica can include it in his facebook entry.

Um, ya.

2009-08-17T04:07:00.000-07:00

Are you unintentionally turned on? Ya, Arnica is too.

if you don't have the money for this great device, give Arnica a call. He has something you can use as a replacement.

No tear in Arnica's beer

2009-08-14T01:37:00.000-07:00

Two people who have caused Arnica much consternation with their musical constipation, Brooks and Dunn have announced that they are splitting up their un-musical duo after 20 years of creating the worst country music the world has ever seen.

To that news, Arnica says, "Fark Ya!" They sucked. Their brand of country music represented all that is bad with country music. They were the Barry Manilow of country music. It pains Arnica to say that since he loves him some Manilow. But you get the point. Brooks and Dunn made awful music, and they made lots of it, and they got paid well for it.

But rambling on about how sucky Brooks and Dunn's music is was not the point of this bloggy wordy thingy Arnica is typing. The reason for the ramble is to state publicly that Arnica has always believed Brooks and Dunn to not only be a music duo but they are (or were) a romantic Duo. That's right. You heard it hear first. Brooks and Dunn are gay. And to that, Arnica believes this music break up is caused by a romantic break up. Yes, Arnica is saying what you think he is saying. B and D were a couple and have now broken up. There. Arnica said it. He feels better.

First, Let Arnica say, he loves the gays. He supports the gays and wishes they could all suffer under the yoke of marriage like the rest of us. Why should they have all the fun? Arnica is fascinated with closeted gay famous people too. Arnica is always (incorrectly) guessing which stars are gay. So far, Arnica has pegged Miley Sirus, Billy Ray Sirus, Leo Sayer, Van Morrison, Doug Sowers, Joe Walsh, Peggy Lee, Chet Atkins, Angus Young, Cliff Burton, Willie Nelson, Nancy Wilson, Muddy Waters, Sting, Bono, and Shakira as being "the Gay." And the list grows.

Anyway, Brooks and Dunn make bad music, have beards that look as if they had just been shampooed and conditioned, wear horrible outfits, take photographs wearing tons of eyeliner, have had massive plastic surgery, and are rarely seen apart from each other. Minus the wretched music, they might as well be headlining in Vegas with their wild Tiger show in Cesar's Palace.

RIP

2009-08-13T10:11:00.000-07:00

drum thing good sound

2009-08-12T03:21:00.000-07:00

Is this a drum the banger is banging on or is it just a dumb-arse electronic drum who-ha that makes bad musicians sound better than they actually are? if it is the former and not the latter, then we have something worth watching.

Bass Player Found

2009-08-11T02:45:00.000-07:00

As you no doubt know, Arnica is trying to piece together the greatest group of musicians from around the world to join his band, The Chord Of Power, and make the mostest awesomest music man or woman or non-gender specific person has ever heard.

It is with great joy that Arnica brings you his new bass player. His/Her/It's name is not important at this time. At this time, it is important to just receive the visual and audio pleasure,this guy/gal/thing is throwing down and let it sink in before you make an opinion about his/her/it's awesomeness.

Please do yourself a favor and try as hard as you can to watch this to the 1:20 mark. Or if your stomach cannot take that much awesomeness, fast forward to the 1:20 mark. As hard as it is to believe, it gets better, much much better.

He's back!

2009-08-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

Arnica keeps trying to retire from his life of crime, but the powers that be keep calling him back.

Alright aready! Arnica will post some more awesome awesomeness.

Today finds Arnica happy and without his cellphone. Arnica left his phone on the bed stand of his pastor's house after spending a long, hard, night getting his sins forgiven. Arnica's sins have been absolved but now Arnica has no way of receiving important calls from his drug dealer, bookie or pastor. How will Arnica be able to do his favorite activity—sniffing blow off his pastor's arse crack while betting on the ponies?

Arnica will figure something out.

Arnica will go knocking on the door of his pastor the next time he feels like a naughty boy needing a good spanking. Arnica has been a bad boy—a very bad boy.

Happy Hot Days

2009-07-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

it's too hot to blog. Arnica's brain done melted. Leave a comment, yelling at Arnica to get his ass in gear and blog about something in a snarky fashion, and Arnica will kick-start his head and get going with somemore blog entries that will blow your mind.

Well, Arnica's bike is orange

2009-07-15T04:37:00.000-07:00

Video of the year.

Auditions for Arnica's Axe Man Move Forward

2009-07-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

Last week, Arnica announced that he had found his new lead guitarist for his band, Arnica Montana and the Chords of Power. He may have spoken too soon.

This morning incredible video of the youngest awesomest shredder made its way onto Arnica's screen. The competition to be the greatest guitarist for the lamest band heats up.

Arnica is busy am making web sites

2009-07-13T02:55:00.000-07:00

As you are know, Arnica is make good web sites. He is make many sites for you to enjoying. Please look for example Arnica is showing you now for pleasure and fun.

If you are want hire Arnica to make your website, you can emailing him and pay moneys to him so he can making your site. Please are bringing real money and please are bringing good ideas to the tables so Arnica can makes you a damn good web site.

you are clicking here to finding the latest site Arnica is made.

you are good person. Arinca is loving you.

Been wronged?

2009-07-10T02:58:00.000-07:00

If so, all you have to do is write a song, record it, make a video, distribute it. Then wait a year and watch the retribution roll in.

hippie cops must be stopped

2009-07-09T04:15:00.000-07:00

Cops are good for one thing—fucking with people and being arse holes. OK, that's two things but Arnica was never good at geography.

Here is a clear example of some cops (in some weird and strange land) doing things they should not oughta be doing—namely, showing compassion to folks to whom they should just be giving citations to and tossing in jail. Next thing you know cops are going to french kiss you after they give you a speeding ticket.

Hmm? Yummy! Get in the car. We are on a mission from gawd!

Arnica's new axe man found

2009-07-08T01:22:00.000-07:00

Meet the new guitarist for the future legendary rock band, Arnica Montana and the Chords of Power.

After an exhausting and extensive search throughout this great land our yours, Arnica has finally found the one true guitar genius that has what it takes to be the main shredder for his band.

Here he is. This is his audition tape. He has a name, but it's better if you don't know it yet. Arnica needs to run a few things past his law department first.

The addition of the nameless one doubles the band's head count; from one to two. Now, all Arnica needs to complete his band is a drummer, a bass player, a keyboard player, a banjo player, a harpist, a flutist, a kettle drum player, a triangle player, and a fluffer.

Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!

2009-07-07T01:02:00.000-07:00

If a Blur concert can have that kind of effect/affect (who knows?) on people, then Arnica is their newest, biggest fans.

To say, "Get a room," is an understatement. Get some opposable thumbs and evolve, you pervs.

If having the hots for the devil is bad, Arnica does not want to be good

2009-07-06T01:57:00.000-07:00

Cammon! She's hot. She is dummer than dirt, but that just makes her hotter.

Arnica wants to show her his pipe line. Drill baby, drill!

OK, Arnica is done now.

Foxy talking head

2009-07-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

Shepard Smith, in addition to being the sexiest thing on Fox Fake News, is also the best and only reason to watch that news channel. Remember, Arnica watches so you don't have to.

Her dog, Sanchez, needs cleaning too.

2009-07-04T09:53:00.001-07:00

The Chicago trip is going fine. This morning Arnica, his keeper, and his pet, all woke up early and ventured to neighborhood that was holding a forth of July parade. The parade was fun—lots of marching bands. Arnica struck up a conversation with the elderly woman whose lawn Arnica was using as a parade viewing station. In the course of the conversation, it was brought up that Arnica used to play trombone in a former life. The conversation went something like this:

Old Lady: Oh, you play the trombone?

Arnica: No, Arnica used to.

OL: That is nice. I still have the mouth piece of the trombone my son used to play. I use it as a paper weight. It is quite heavy.

A: Yes, they are.

OL: Yes.

A: Yup.

OL: So...

A: Did you say something?

OL: Hmm? No.

A: Oh... So, what became of the trombone.

OL: What trombone?

A: The trombone you said your son played—the one whose mouth piece you use as a paper weight?

OL: Oh, that.

A: Yes, that. What became of that trombone?

OL: We had to get rid of it. it was getting rusty.

A: So, you had a rusty trombone.

OL: Yes. Had to get rid of it.

A: Tee hee.

OL: What's so funny.

A: Oh, nothing.

Happy Independence Day

good to know

2009-07-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

Arnica is doing well in Chicago. He has already had two Chicago style hot dogs, five white castle sliders and lots and lots of beer.

During a recent visit to one of Chicago's zoos (they have three if you include their local government) Arnica discovered an amazing fact. If you, as Arnica often does, suffer from "the stinks" (a condition where your farts smell like an atomic wind) you can just pass your gas freely because everyone will think the smell is coming from one of the animals in the zoo. When Arnica was feeling particularly air-filled, he just convinced the crew he was with that yet another visit to the monkey exhibit was in order. The crew started to think Arnica had a strange fascination with monkeys. He does but that is a different post.

Old is as old does

2009-07-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

Arnica ventured into the City of Chicago at un-gawdly late hours to listen to some blues. Arnica and his host found a bar, ordered drinks and settled down to watch some great music. But the following day greets Arnica with much disillusionment. Arnica was the second oldest person there, the oldest person would be the person Arnica went with.

Arnica found himself asking, "when did bars start letting in high school students?" It was then that Arnica realized, yet again, that he is very old. And so are you.

Oh ya

2009-06-30T04:17:00.000-07:00

dont think arnica has forgotten his plan to take over the world. He just lacks the equipment right now. He is looking for a camera, a cork screw, some clean socks, a '72 volvo pick-up, and an ostrich. Once those few things have been secured, get ready to have your world rocked and rolled.

Where is that cork screw?

yoo tawkin to me?

2009-06-29T16:06:00.001-07:00

where is Arnica? who cares?

Arnica is taking a much undeserved vacation this week. Arnica hopped a plane and landed in the mother land. Well, he landed in his mother-in-law's land; Chicago.

Arnica is in the heartland to eat the large mounds of cheesed foods and drink many gallons of fermented wheat.

Leave a comment and let Arnica know what you want him to do while he stays in the windy city. If you say, "fuck a pig," Arnica is just going to delete it.

he's dead.

2009-06-27T16:13:00.000-07:00

Get over it. He could dance well. He sang songs he didn't write very well. He dressed sharply. But after that, what did he do?

Oh, he did pay a dad 20 million dollars just for kicks and, oh, he admitted, on TV, that he lets kids sleep in his bed with him.

Let him go. You are holding up the proceedings that are planned down south (the deep deep south--the pitch fork south).

Justice is done

2009-06-25T15:10:00.001-07:00

Three songs, ten minutes or when the first beer bottle gets thrown.

2009-06-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

So, last night, Arnica did what he does best. He was the best performance of the night at the local open mic. The competition was nominal. There was a timid female singer who closed with a beatles song, Chick, please! You don't do beatles at an open mic. That's like drinking wine at a frat party. It can be done but folks are gonna call you queer and beat you up if you are not careful.

There was the guy with a Irish wool cap who talked too much and then sung and made you wish he would talk again just so you would not have to listen to him sing.

There was the required Metal band that played loudly. They had a cute name, Surgical Chaos.

There was another band that was playing out for the first time. Yes, they sucked.

And then, there was Arnica. Oh, you should have seen him (no, really. where were you?). Arnica rocked the house with three songs, Lights of LA County [by Sir Lyle Lovette], When the River Meets the Sea [by Paul Williams], and an Arnica original [Dont ever go to Texas]. It was marvelous, if Arnica must say so himself—and he must.

You knew it was coming

2009-06-24T04:31:00.000-07:00

Can Arinca talk about why country music sucks? No? Well, here goes anyway.

Arnica just got done listening to Seven Spanish Angels, after just listening to Momma Tried, after just listening to Crying Time.

Those songs tugged on some hidden part of Arnica's soul, made his eyes well up with moisture, caused a lump to develop in his throat, and made a tingly feeling come over his body. The twangy, heart-string plucking melodies just carried Arnica into a warm, dark place. It was a sad place but it was comfortable and peaceful.

No doubt, you have had a similar reaction to a song. If not, hows' that lobotomy treating you? Frontal lobe--Shmuntal lobe, Arnica always says. Anyway, we all know that feeling when a song really connects. So, it is Arnica's correct opinion that modern country music connects with Arnica like Shaquele O'Neil connects on his free throws. It doesn't and he doesn't—not normally. He is like a career .300 free throw shooter. He truly sucks at the charity stripe. But Arnica digresses—a bit. Most of what Arnica hears on those new country radio stations— with names like, the Wolf, or the Possum, or the Steer—is this odd rock-country-crappy stuff. On those stations, Arnica hears nothing but lame songs about trucks, horses, white trash troubles, the joys of being ignorant, save a horse-ride a dumb ass with a hat, and the like.

Where's the real pain? Wheres the tear in the beer? Where is the good stuff?

And what ever happened to the ugly cowboy with warts, a scraggly beard, a beer belly, and drinking problem? Today's country stars look like they came straight from a reality show make over.

That stuff is a far cry from the stuff Arnica considers country. But then again, Arnica spent his entire teenage years with a Sears Walkman knock-off cassette player, listening to Ride The Lightning followed by Screaming for Vengeance, followed by Highway to Hell. So, what does Arnica know from Country music? He knows enough to think he can blog about it—and that's not much.

good day.

That thing...

2009-06-23T01:33:00.000-07:00

that thing Arnica warned you about—it's gonna happen, just you wait. Arnica just needs to prepare himself.

Freak!

2009-06-22T01:59:00.000-07:00

As we mourn the passing of daddy's day, let us listen to a song by a guy who scares the hell out of kids. No, not Johnny. The other guy.

What a scary looking dude!

His poems are damn awesome, but if he came to Arnica's library (presuming Arnica knows where his library is) and read from his books, Arnica would bolt, or pee his pants, or cry, or just cry, pee his pants and then bolt. Regardless, soilage would be the order of the day. But on the good side, it would mean Arnica found out where his library is. What, no playboys in the magazine isle. Lame!

Brought to you by a prick with a mouse

2009-06-19T01:31:00.000-07:00

you are your daddy's disapointment

2009-06-18T01:14:00.000-07:00

Happy daddy day

Suckies!

2009-06-17T00:43:00.000-07:00

What is it about fixed gear bikes that bugs Arnica so much? Glad you asked.

Fixies, as best as Arnica cares, are bikes with only one gear. Other types of fixies are bikes with one gear and no free-wheel—which means you cannot coast. Arnica does not like fixies, mostly, because of the people who ride them. Fixie riders are the snobs of the bike world. And the bikes they ride are the worst. Talk about riding something that will make you never want to ride a bike again—that's a fixie for you.

Fixie riders will lie and tell you that when you ride a fixie you feel more connected with the bike and with the road because you have to pedal at all time. Whatever. Arnica feels connected with the road when he crashes and hits the pavement with his head.

A bike is about freedom. A bike is about distance. A bike is about mobility. A bike is about fun. Anything that reduces the effect of any of those aforementioned items, is a fraud and a phony.

One last thing: on the last two big rides Arnica has ridden, and on many other rides, Arnica has seen (and passed) many fixies and their owners walking up hills that where just too hard to ride up for a fixie. A bike is to be ridden up hills, not walked. Get it straight, hipster asshole fixie rider.

Weekend Wrap Wup

2009-06-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend Arnica did three fun things. He did a big bike ride. He played some music, and he went to the dentist. One activity caused pain in Arnica's arse. One activity stopped pain in Arnica's mouth, and the other activity caused pain to the ears of all who were near.

On Friday, Arnica was 4 days into one of the worst tooth aches he has ever had. Actually, it was the first tooth ache he ever had. Arnica went to the DDS and let her do whatever the hell it is she does. An hour later, the pain was gone. The next day, Arnica participated in The Flying Wheels bike ride deal. 70 miles later, Arnica still can't sit down. On Sunday, Arnica could be found in Olympia at a block party playing bass with the Biscuit Rollers. Good food. No booze. Good times.

This image is from a ride earlier this year. Last Saturday, it was hot. No need for a red wool sweater.

six oh two. it's the life

2009-06-12T02:30:00.000-07:00

Arnica's snark button isn't working today, so you will have to watch this video without the benefit of sarcasm. so sorry.

Oh, wait. He got the button to work. Marry Poppins holds a dear place in Arnica's heart and in his pants, for it was when watching that movie as a wee-child Arnica had his first Arnica Poppins moment. Thanks, Mary.

Whats a book?

2009-06-11T02:37:00.000-07:00

Credit goes to Ben Joseph for this.

Man, drugs are great

2009-06-10T04:02:00.000-07:00

Do believe this is in the Gorge, AKA, the worst place to watch a show because of the arseholes who run it. You'd think it wouldn't suck because it is such a beautiful venue, but those Arse-farks really can muck it up. They make it sooo hard to smuggle booze in, and they make it soooo hard to get shitfaced once you are in with your fake binoculars of vodka.

Cammon! Shows at the Gorge are for one thing, for getting shitfaced drunk and not remembering anything about the show you paid $200 to watch, and drove 4 hours to get to, because you drank so much. Sheeze! It's not rocket science, Gorge people. (that might be more than one thing—gonna have to watch the replay. Ya, that was more than one. Sorry.)

Tony awards stage hand does what noone else would do.

2009-06-09T01:53:00.000-07:00

He broke some loser's nose by droping a giant curtain/screen on him. Good on you, stage hand. There will be extra rations in your grule, tonight.

Well, something is growing!!!!

2009-06-08T01:41:00.000-07:00

There is this woman who has a blog that asks, "If i take birth control pills, will my boobs get bigger?" To that, Arnica answers, "who fucking cares, and thank you for the pictures of your tits. You are a real american hero."

You, tattoo?

2009-06-05T02:39:00.000-07:00

Tattoos are like opinions which are like butt holes. Everyone seems to have one, and they all stink.

If you are thinking of getting yourself a tramp-stamp or a dork-doodle or a lame-stain or a future regret (as Arnica calls them), then you should do your bad self a favor and read this article by Kate Sedgwick before you do anything pre-calculus like getting your favorite pair of shoes inked on your treasure trail.

an excerpt:
Any Placement Of A Dolphin
Bad enough on a necklace or a t-shirt, the dolphin tattoo indicates a desire to be seen as peace and earth loving. The bad news is that you were probably inspired to get it after an alcohol fueled domestic abuse disturbance that resulted in your arrest.

http://matadorlife.com/10-tattoo-cliches-to-avoid-at-all-cost/

Prepare thee the way

2009-06-04T02:22:00.000-07:00

In the next few days, yours sweatingly, will unveil a new plot to take over the world. Keep an eye out for it. This plot will appear, at first, to be innocuous, meaningless and trivial, but wait. This small event will trigger a great change—a change that will... um... change the way the world operates. Just you wait. You will see. Stay tooooooned.

total eclipse of the point

2009-06-03T01:46:00.000-07:00

Remember back when artists made music videos that attempted to tell a story ? Ya, Arnica neither. It seams like they have always sucked.

bad day so far.

2009-06-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

It started this morning. Arnica decided to ride hisbike in since it looked to be a great day. It was 65 degrees at 6am. That's a good day. But, about 3 miles from work, Arnica got himself one of those there flat tires. Somehow, Arnica managed to ride over an inch long wood screw. It flattened the rear tire of Arnica's cycle. Arnica got down to the dirty work of fixing the flat.

Now, what Arnica normally does is not fix the flat but, instead, replace the punctured tube with a new tube. Arnica learned from past mistakes to always ride with at least one extra bike tube. For some reason, Arnica chose to go against his better judgement and fix the flat. Ten minutes later, Arnica had fixed it, pumped the tire, put the tire on the bike—but then heard that all too familiar sound of air rushing out of the tire. Arnica took the tire off, put on the spare tube, blew it up and off He went—a mear 45 minutes later.

When Arnica got to the top secret lab and checked his email, he noticed that a band member had sent him an email and was trying to pull some power trip on Arnica. Arnica wrote back a nasty email. And because of this and other transgressions, may not be in the band for much longer. Stay tuned.

How is your day going?

Ya, very little pleasure

2009-06-01T03:18:00.000-07:00

Christian rock is the best. If you want to know what was popular or relevant ten years ago, listen to any current christian rock song.

This one is by Micheal Sweet, who is the lame singer of the lame 80's christian band, Stryper (they will know we are christians by our stripes-or some such nonsense).

Now Arnica does not have a problem with not having sex. He has been not having sex for years now. But to write a song about it and to have that song sound like a GreatWhiteLionSnake song, is just genius.

Arnica is green with it

2009-05-29T03:00:00.000-07:00

jealousy, that is. He is envious of the mad skizzles that this limey bloke possesses. Well, he also possess some expensive equipment that does ninety percent of the work. But Arnica is jealous of his gear too.

Hammer, don't hurt them

2009-05-28T02:13:00.000-07:00

Pie-NAP-le Express

2009-05-27T02:45:00.000-07:00

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

oh, sorry. Arnica just woke up from a very deep sleep. Wow, how long was Arnica out? Sheesh. What was the last thing he remembers doing before nodding off? Oh yes, he watched Pineapple Express. Wow, they should rename that movie to "watch just before bed time."

What a snoozer of a movie. Lots of drugs—that was cool. No tits—not so cool. And did anyone else get the creeps when you found out that Seth Rogen's char actor is dating a high school student? Ew!

Review: long movie with lots of laughs, ridiculous plot, and no tits.
Translation: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yes please!

2009-05-26T01:37:00.000-07:00

It may not work as intended but anything that looks like a cross and has the potential of getting you really farking baked can't be all bad.

In the name of the ganja, cronic, and sticky green, amen.

(if there was any doubt before, it has evaporated. Arnica is going to hell. His handbasket is being detailed right now. See you there)

the look on Arnica's face...

2009-05-25T01:18:00.000-07:00

...is one of extreme blankness.

After watching this, Arnica is left without the ability to react. He is frozen in a state of shock. Did he just watch this? Did he really watch this all the way to the end? Did he immediately attempt to do what the guy on the right did, but with his arse instead? Yes, he did and now Arnica's rectum is wrecked.

It takes two minutes to get to the good stuff but it is worth the wait—Arnica thinks.

Rant-o-matic 1A

2009-05-22T03:06:00.000-07:00

Are you like Arnica, and hate it when hoytee toytee types say, when you offer them a drink, "oh, I don't drink." or when you mention a hot dog and they say, I don't eat meat." or you talk about a TV show and they say, "I don't watch TV."?

That bugs Arnica to no end. If you don't drink, don't take the drink. If you don't eat meat, Shut-the-Front-Door. If you don't watch TV say, "No, I didn't see that."

Don't take the opportunity to make a statement. It just goes over Arnica's head.

If you offered Arnica a scoop of wet poop between two slices of dried poop, Arnica would say, "Thanks, but no thanks." and call it good. Maybe, you love poop sandwiches. Arnica doesn't know. Arnica doesn't want to alienate you just because you eat feces and Arnica doesn't. To each his own poop, Arnica always says. You are a flippen freak but so is everybody else.

End o' rant.

A prayer of hope

2009-05-21T02:36:00.000-07:00

Dearest gawd in heaven.
It is with truest of hearts and lunch in throat that Arnica besieges thee for help. Arnia prays for one thing, and that one thing is that, in your all-knowing smartness, did you remember to make sure that this person, whom you made in your likeness, had the forethought and sense of smell to use a NEW article of men's underwear when she made her super awesome tank top? Or did you at least make sure she washed it first? No? oh, well.

Hallowed be thy sandwhich.

It already has

2009-05-20T01:24:00.000-07:00

And the winner for the best comment left on the Chords of Power blog goes to Anonymous for this gem:

Anonymous said...
Oh, Arnica, you are absolutely one of the coolest people I know. Don't let it go to your head. I have to go get baked now.. . . .

Now, Mr. Anonymous, if that is your 'real' name, you have left a few comments on this blog before. Not all have been this accurate and insightful, but they have been great none the less. Please continue, and by all means, do that last part. EEEEERE. Cough! Weeze! smooth!

Wow, a CD ROM.

2009-05-19T03:37:00.000-07:00

This is funny, and weird. It wins the Unintentionally Creepy award.

well, at least the kid sucks at singing.

2009-05-18T02:18:00.000-07:00

This video is great, not because some foreign kid is a guitar virtuoso, and is cute to boot. Fark that. This video is awesome for two reasons:

1. Crazy Train by Sir Lord and Master Ozzy Osbourne actually made it's way on the Ellen show.
2. A child, age nine, knows who Randy Rhodes is. that is amazing.

Randy Rhodes is not a big boobed left wing radio nut job. Randy Rhodes is the blond elfin guitar genius who saved Ozzy's life and career in 1981, and then promptly died in a super sucky plane crash at the age of too young. Back in the day, folks debated as to who was a better guitar player, him or Eddy VanHalen. Hands down, Eddy was/is better but Randy was great. He was classically trained, cute, shy, tiny and responsible for bringing Ozzy back from musical death.
Go buy Diary of a Mad Man and Blizzard of Oz if you don't believe Arnica.

The time has come...

2009-05-15T01:07:00.000-07:00

for all good men to come to the aid of their country. Or in Arnica's case, the time has come for all wack-jobs (AKA Chords readers) to come to the aid of their head wack job.

The problem:
Arnica's profile views on his blog has hovered at about 860 for quite some time now. This is so despite Arnica's habit of viewing his profile every week in order to artificially bloat his numbers.

The solution:
You, oh wack-job loyal reader of TheChord, need to go and view Arnica's profile at least once a day. If both of you do that, the profile views count will go up and Arnica's very fragile ego will step back from the ledge and attempt to lead a normal life with only infrequent thoughts of suicide. Or you could tell more wack-jobs about this blog of wonderfulness... Nah! just bloat the numbers.

Thank you and good day.

Thank Arnica later

2009-05-14T01:53:00.000-07:00

But for now—BREW, BREW, BREW!

get a job!

2009-05-13T01:09:00.000-07:00

"How" and "why" are what come to mind.

Rap is back

2009-05-12T03:20:00.000-07:00

Ask Arnica if he likes rap and be prepared to be nodding your head for a while. Arnica has himself some opinions about rap, and about whether or not rap is worth a ding-dong. Arnica was one of the first on the band wagon when it comes to rap. He has defended it against rockers who don't like it, old folks that don't get it, and white folks that don't want it. Arnica has opined for hours about how important Public Enemy was, how great NWA was, how influential Woo Tang was, how not sucky Will Smith was (ok, Arnica lost that argument most of the time), and how essential the Beasty Boys are.

But Arnica is done. He has heard one too many reference to items found in the Sears automotive department, and one too many descriptions of dicks pulling out of arses and being plopped on someone's back. There has been a void of good rap for quite some time. Outcast is one exception and Emenem is another. But the rest is crap.

But along comes this, which is apparently a loose cover of another rap song. Whatever. This is great, not just for the rap but for the performance. And if you know anything about Arnica's music taste, you know he gives extra points for good performances.

Enjoy. or don't.

Nyle "Let The Beat Build" from Nyle on Vimeo.

Nazis love Jello too.

2009-05-11T02:43:00.000-07:00

Arnica's super cool uncle, Leon, was and still is a super nice guy. He is Arnica's father's older brother. Arnica is not sure of his exact age but if Arnica's dad is 74, then Uncle Leon must be at least 80. Arnica remembers fondly Uncle Leon's infectious laugh, his slow, smooth Kansan drawl and his smile that almost never left his face.

Arnica loves and adores uncle Leon for many reasons, two important reasons were that Leon was, for a short time, Arnica's scout master. Arnica was a scout for about as long as the gestation period of a raccoon, but Leon was one of the scout leaders that made the ordeal fun. Leon is also left handed. Growing up, Leon was the only other left handed person Arnica knew, at least he was the only grown-up left handed person Arnica ever knew.

Anyway, as the story goes, as told by Arnica's dad, Uncle Leon served in the military during World War 2, and had the extreme misfortune of spending a great deal of time (we are talking years) in a German concentration camp. Arnica can only avoid imagining what that must have been like. Arnica's father says that Leon was never the same after the war. To that Arnica wonders how awesome was uncle Leon before the war? Did he laugh even harder at dumb jokes? Did he show even more kids how to tie a hitch knot? Did he demonstrate better the right way to sharpen a knife? He must have been the best. Or maybe he was a jerk and came back an awesome guy.

It is with uncle Leon in mind that Arnica offers this bit of odd 'histoic' TV greatness. Maybe this is what real concentration camps were like during WWII. Is this what Leon did in Germany? You have no idea how much Arnica wishes and dreams that was the case.

Yea war!!!

If there was a gawd...

2009-05-08T01:12:00.000-07:00

and he ate lots and lots of beans one day, and then drank lots and lots of beer, and developed the worse case of gas, and also had the ability to make his farts come out sounding like music (much like Arnica's ability to make his farts sound like jet planes taking off into the wind), you would have this.

Best part of the video is the geeky geek at the end.

do it

2009-05-07T13:26:00.000-07:00

go here.
do what it tells you to do.

pretty neat stuff.

here you go

2009-05-07T01:17:00.000-07:00

Ya, ya. Arnica made this from scratch. Did it yesterday while Arnica was waiting for the popcorn to pop in the microwave. You are welcome.*

You are not welcome because arnica did not make this. but if you dont read this small print, you might still give arnica the credit for making this, so yahoo!

the light. the light. it shines brighter with each step.

2009-05-06T01:18:00.000-07:00

This is for Jeff.
At the beginning, when the song starts, the audience makes that noise they make when they hear the first few notes of a song they recognize. Um, Wha? The gold medal for the blankest stare should be hanging around Arnica's neck after watching this. Never heard it. Must not have been a seven year old boy seven years ago.

Point? None, other than Arnica and you are really very seriously honestly hopelessly old. You had to know.

Ball Buster

2009-05-05T02:50:00.000-07:00

Oh, wait. Hows 'bout Sack Crack? Oh, better, what about Dick Hertz? No... Arnica has it, tool target trauma. Um, no. Oh, Oh, Oh, try this; phallic fail? Ya, that's it.

WASHINGTON — Under Armour Inc. has issued a voluntary recall of more than 200,000 athletic cups as they can break when hit, posing a risk of serious injury to the wearer.
Baltimore-based Under Armour said it has received five reports of cups breaking and one report of injury, which involved cuts and bruising.

Best site being is designing by me

2009-05-04T02:32:00.000-07:00

I am design web site. I am design a good site for you to have enjoyment. For sample of work me am do, click on this button and it will sending you to web site i am designing. It is site of good things and is site of important items. please to enjoy the web site.

You are being good person

a more appropriate logo has never been made

2009-05-02T01:02:00.000-07:00

This is from some 1970's Catholic Church thingy. Arnica would laugh if it wasn't so sick, yet so accurate—a rare example of when art meets reality, has a few drinks, then reality decides it would be a great idea to head back to reality's apartment to look at reality's etchings, but art doesn't want to go so she calls her own cell phone when reality is arguing over the bill with the waiter, and fakes a call from her suicidal best friend. Reality offers to come along and provide moral support but art refuses and runs out of the restaurant.

Ya, just like that.

Age test

2009-05-01T01:54:00.000-07:00

Watch this:

Now, if this thought * ran through your head (just as it ran through Arnica's), you are an old fuddy-duddy.

*The thought: Darn hoodlums shouldn't oughta be riding in the street like that—terrorizing people with their antics. Just like skate boarders. Damn kids.

Welcome to the club. Your AARP membership notice is coming in the mail. My, it's cold in here.

No, sorry

2009-04-30T03:05:00.000-07:00

Arnica did not make. He only passes it along—like a child who passes along her germs when she kisses you after getting licked by a dog that just licked its ass.

dead guy on your plate, anyone?

2009-04-29T00:59:00.000-07:00

As the story goes, there was this guy who lived a long time ago. Some people liked him. The people with the power didn't like him. He was killed. Sad story. But now, the smarties of StupidState have decided to offer, to their customers, a hunk of flat tin with the dead guy's picture on it. Now, you can commemorate murder just by driving your hoopty.

Arnica loves many things. His privates being at the top of the list. But Arnica digresses.

Arnica loves him some irony. In this case, the irony is that these folks—lets call them lemmings, follow the lessons of a book—lets call it Charmin Ultra Soft. In the pages of Charmin Ultra Soft are these words:
“Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water below.” Exodus 20:4
and
“Cursed be the man that maketh any graven or molten image.” Deuteronomy 27: 1 5

Hmm, the one thing the dead guy didn't want folks to do with his image, folks do all the time.

Now, before you start sending Arnica your tithing money and start looking for Arnica's image in your burnt toast, know this; There is no god other than perfectly melted Cheddar Cheese on an everything bagel. Go and serve your bagel.

The truth must be told

2009-04-28T03:49:00.000-07:00

Dominoes videos suck. They always have. They always will.

Case in point:

The camera pans over the spectacle of plastic. You get all the angles. there is the over the top view, the extreme close-up view... and that is it. It is quite a large build up for what will ultimately be a huge let down.

When the suspense is too much to handle, the switch is flipped and somebody sets the dominoes into action. Now, this is where it gets good. All the dominoes fall down. Let Arnica repeat that, all the dominoes fall down. Wow! awesome. That almost never happens.

For your easy listening pleasure.

2009-04-27T04:12:00.000-07:00

Hire this guy for your next corporate Meet-and-greet, Suck-in-Tux, dinner party. He's appears to be talented, not too edgy, and, since he is but one person, is probably pretty cheap.

Tavern Sign FAIL

2009-04-24T03:17:00.000-07:00

When the employees drink on the job, you know it's a good bar.

Blame it on being a bar in White Center.

In case you are wondering, What's the big deal?

The name of the band playing at some hole-in-the-wall that appears to be completely painted blue, on some vague day in May, is Arnica's own Gravy and the Biscuit Rollers.*

Biscuits don't rot, anyway. they just get hard and turn into hockey pucks. But you wouldn't expect the brain-trust of White Center to know that.

*this the band Arnica plucks for, and sings off-key in three songs for. Not to be confused with his mega-ultra-super-rock band, The Chords of Power, which is currently looking for a bass player, a drummer, an accordion player, and a glockenspiel player.

Geek geeky geek.

2009-04-23T01:35:00.000-07:00

Geek geeky geeker geeked geeking geekish geeker geeks.

could it be any clearer?

2009-04-22T01:54:00.000-07:00

Why John Madden will be missed and, quite possibly, will never be replaced?

Didn't think so.

ICYMI: John Madden Draws A Penis

eer!

2009-04-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

Was yesterday some sort of stoner holiday? Damn, missed another one. Arnica was too busy finding a cure for sleepiness, feeding the homeless and bedding the hungry to do anything that would take time away from his typical day of giving.

Arnica shall, instead, celebrate the holiday today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that,and the day after that.

But never at dusk!

what a boner

2009-04-21T00:59:00.000-07:00

Shut the front door, you idiot!

First, get REALLY high.

2009-04-20T02:26:00.000-07:00

Then, watch this.

(watch to the end, please!)

I-Movix SprintCam v3 NAB 2009 showreel from David Coiffier on Vimeo.

Missed it by that much

2009-04-18T01:22:00.000-07:00

As you should know, Arnica goes to movies about as often as he bathes—not bloody often. So, Arnica's list of movies to watch is filled with movies that are at least a year old. It is a toddler of a movie that Arnica feels he needs to warn you of today.

That movie is Get Smart.

A more better name for a movie has never been made. A better movie? That HAS been made. It has been made by anybody with a cam-corder, a blank tape, and a script consisting of crayon scribblings on a Starbuck's napkin. "Get Smart" is a very appropriate name for this movie, as in: Get Smart, don't waste your time.

The movie stars Steve Correll as Maxwell Smart, and some hottie-bo-body as Agent 99. Any other similarities to the 1960's television show this movie is (very very very very) loosely based on, does not exist. That's it.

The TV show was no Emmy-winning effort. It was low comedy—so low, you had to wear mining helmets to get the jokes. But it was what it was—a lovable dumb show. It had it's gags—the cone of seclusion, the phone/shoe, and others. Maxwell Smart was a lovable idiot that constantly needed to get bailed out by his hot hot hot partner. In the movie, Smart is a smart guy, and only mildly incompetent. But there is still the hot partner.

The jokes were lame. The action was lame. The plot was lame. The Arnica was sleeping by the end. What else needs to be said? Now, go out, live long, prosper, and spend the 2 hours Arnica just saved you on something worthwhile, like reading this blog—over and over and over again.

which is weirder?

2009-04-17T04:25:00.000-07:00

That somebody pieced together this video of hot-chunky-foody-hottie, Rachel Ray saying, "yum," over and over again.

Or that somebody pieced together nearly three minutes of hot-chunky-foody-hottie, Rachel Ray saying, "yum."

A word of caution:

2009-04-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

Never let your boy-boobed youngsters have access to the disturbing "music" of AC/DC.

The effects can be comical.

Take away the computer, the camera, the smartly—yet minimalisticly decorated living room, and you have an exact reenactment of how Arnica spent his entire summer of 1980 (boy-boobs were at full attention whenever the AC/DC was heard).

Damn gays!

2009-04-16T01:23:00.000-07:00

Black magic Resin

2009-04-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

Arnica, hater of all things better than him, believes that if ever there was a one trick pony in the Latin Rock world (is there such a world?), it would be Carlos Santana. He has one lick, one rhythm and one song. Let the hate emails begin. No, seriously, let them begin. Bring it.

But, things aren't all bad for Arnica's opinion of Carlos Santana. There is this.

Divert your eyes

2009-04-15T04:12:00.000-07:00

and your ears, and your taste, and your sense of rhythm, and your equilibrium, and your mouth as you throw-up, while you watch this video reason as to why computers are good for nothing other than creating evilness.

Be polite. Don't bite.

2009-04-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Tea Bag day. Don't forget to grab your favortite pair and pop-em in your mouth.

Blinded by the light

2009-04-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

That light being a big hairy man-chest.

Arnica did not create this, he only passes it on to you—Arnica's long suffering readers.

and now my song is done

2009-04-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

One of these things is not like the others.
Two of these things are kinda the same.
Three of these things have beards, wavy hair and big noses.
But only one can act!

Ever been to Texas?

2009-04-10T01:10:00.000-07:00

Arnica, neither.
Had a girlfriend from Texas.
Wrote a song about it.

My brother, who is hooked on steroids, has latent homosexual tendencies, and is just a horrible, sad, sad, man, is gonna shoot you down.

for the fellas

2009-04-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

Sorry, lady chordies. This one is for your itchier, hairier, sloppier, stinkier half.

The lyrics

2009-04-08T01:30:00.000-07:00

Are you ready to hear Arnica's new song?

Here is the story about the song. As you no doubt know, Arnica loves him some Christmas songs. One of his favorites is, Why can't every day be like Christmas (Elvis did the most kick ass version of it). Arnica loves plucking the chords and singing the song, and wishes he could play the song all year long. So, Arnica took the music and made up some new lyrics.

The lyrics and music are kinda country, but not in that fay-country way that Arnica hates. The song is country in a good way.

Arnica will post the video (yes, that is right, Arnica made a video) of the first performance, which came mere minutes after the song was written, on Friday.

Her tears
They were flowing
Down her cheek as she slammed the door
She never heard a word that I said
She didn't want to hear anymore.

Her hair
It was blowing
in the wind as she drove away
but she slammed on the brakes and got out of her car
just long enough for her to say.

(chorus)
Don't ever show your face down in Texas
Don't ever let me catch you coming 'round
Cause if I ever see you down in Texas
I'm gonna have my (big) brother shoot you down

One
night stands
are never easy to explain
but their not as hard as it is to chase down
a convertible when it's pulling away

(chorus)
Don't ever show your face down in Texas
Don't ever let me catch you coming 'round
Cause if I ever see you down in Texas
I'm gonna have my (big) brother shoot you down

Arnica is soooo confused.

2009-04-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

Arnica loves him some Smashing Pumpkins. Starla is the best fucking song, ever. By that, Arnica means, it is the best song to fuck to. Try it. its twelve minutes long, which gives you eleven minutes to wash-up afterwards.

Arnica hates him some fake titty kah kahs.

So it is with mixed emotion that Arnica discovers that Billy Corgan is dating Tia Tequila. If you, correctly, responded, "who the hell is Tia Tequila?" You are on the path to righteousness. If you, incorrectly, responded, "Smashing Pumpkins suck," you are dead to Arnica.

Not a clue

2009-04-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

Do you think the designer had any idea?

Arnica has never wanted to buy a dress more than he does right now. Do they make an XXXXXXXXXXL?

Oh lord!

2009-04-04T04:37:00.000-07:00

That was tough to get through. Well, it wasn't so bad. Let's see that again...

Oh my, it's worse the second time. It's like looking at somebody who has flipped his eye lids inside out. It is sickening but you can't stop looking.

The best part of the video is the mesmerizing belt buckle. You can't stop staring at it as it bounces up and down. The second best part is the tiny head guy on the left. Bless your heart, tiny head beat boxing man. Good on you.

Over it

2009-04-03T03:39:00.000-07:00

There is this drug being peddled to the quatrogenarians of this land. It's street name is Facebook. Its pharmaceutical name is Oversharingitis. It's a drug Arnica has partaken of and, most likely, will continue to partake of. But Arnica does not know what to do with this request from a dear drunk friend via Facebook's request-for-crap dealeo.

Here is a Purple Crocus plant for your (Lil) Green Patch. Could you help me by sending a plant back? Together we can fight Global Warming!

What? How? Huh?

Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!

2009-04-03T03:35:00.000-07:00

Aint no party like a Panda sex party.

Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!

And while we are on the subject of bear intercourse, let us not forget about this blog

who would have thought belittling tiny, cute animals would be so funny.

consider yourself warned

2009-04-02T10:50:00.000-07:00