Monday, October 27

How do you know a movie is bad?


  • When the premise includes a tap dancing penguin; you know a movie is going to be bad.
  • When you look at the credits and Robin Williams is credited with three voice-over parts (the narrator, the old penguin sage, and the young Latino penguin buddy); you know a movie is going to be bad. *
  • When the opening scene has two love stricken penguins singing Jennifer Lopez’s, “My Love Don’t Cost a Thing;” you know a movie is going to be bad.
  • When your five year old kid complains half way through it that the movie is too long, and asks if we can watch Happy Days reruns instead; you know a movie is going to be bad.
  • When the older characters who all long for tradition have English, Jewish and German accents, while all the younger characters who want change all have Latino and urban accents; you know a movie is going to be bad.
  • When Hugh Jackman voices a character named, “Memphis,” and barely manages an almost believable Elvis-like impersonation as his voice-over; you know a movie is going to be bad.
*it is getting to the point where everything Robin Williams touches turns to poop. Name his last good movie. Can’t? Me neither. His Narrator (black man) voice over was so bad, it bordered on being the equivalent of verbal black face.

2 comments:

Jeff Adams said...

Robin Williams' last good film was probably Good Will Hunting.

He managed not to ruin Speilberg's "AI".

Yeah, he does about 20 pieces o' shite for every good one lately.

"Moscow on the Hudson" -- mmm, the bathtub scene starring Maria Conchita Alonzo's nipples...

Arnica Montana said...

i disagree. i think he did ruin AI. or did it ruin itself?

i still dream of her tits in that movie. good times. good, sticky, moist, embarrassing times.