Wednesday, October 8

Stop Whistling!

When you whistle, you are telling everybody, "Hello, I'm an asshole, nice to meet you." You are also saying, "Hello, I'm an asshole, nice to meet you, and i suck at whistling." You are also saying, "Hello, I'm an asshole, and to prove it to you, i am going to make noises with my mouth that are so loud, you will be able to hear it 100 yards away, oh, and nice to meet you."

Why the rant against mouth noise making?

This morning, as Arnica walked through the halls of the top secret laboratory, on his way to the top secret cafeteria, to get his top secret fruit-loops, Arnica was ├╝ber lucky enough to walk behind a Dorkus Erectus who felt it necessary to purse his lips together, blow and make ridiculous noises with his mouth while making his way down the hall. As best Arnica could decipher, whistle boy was attempting to recreate the melody of Some Enchanted Evening while simultaneously performing the guitar solo to Paradise City by Guns and Roses.

As Arnica made his way towards the top secret cement encased stair well that leads to the top secret cafeteria, the only thing going through Arnica's head is, "gawd, please don't let this mouth mumbler head towards the stair well, too." Gawd hates Arnica because the noise making monkey turned into the stair well just before Arnica did.

Upon stepping into the stairwell, Arnica was swept into a reverb fueled mini-hell as he was forced to enjoy a mash up of Brahms' Lullaby and inagaddadavida echoing through the stair well. It was quite unpleasant. If there is a hell, Arnica imagines it to have a thousand whistlers at the top of an enclosed cement stair well, whistling 1000 different melodies, while you are chained to the rail at the bottom.

3 comments:

dashap said...

I likes it when Arnica gets all testy like this.

Arnica Montana said...

getting pissed off at insignificant things is what i do best. call it a gift.

Anonymous said...

It is the music of the common man. No studio, no training, no unusual talent required. A sign of joie de vivre.