Thursday, January 15

It's true, we'll make a better day. Just you and me.

In his public and humiliating apology to Arnica, D-Shap titled his blog entry, "We Are The World," which reminds Arnica of his first ever musical solo.

The year was 1984. The place was some church in Bellevue, Wa. The happen-stance was that, at that time, Arnica was the member of a prestigious ensemble called, The Eastside Catholic High School Concert Band. This group toured all the major Catholic Churches, school social-halls, and gyms in the east-King County area. It was a crazy time filled with band practice, the gawking at boobies from afar, wild parties and silliness that often included many cans of Jolt cola, silly string, three Slinky's [the original—not those plastic pieces of shit] and bubble gum cigars.

In that ensemble, Arnica held the very important and oft sought after position of 3rd chair trombone. It is the duty of the person holding this highly respected position to play very quietly so that nobody can hear you or notice you not playing the notes on the sheet music correctly. Arnica was good at this. He was damn good.

One day, his band director, [Arnica shits you not on the name] Mr. Hickey decided to shake things up a bit and let Arnica take a solo in one of our songs at our next 'gig.' The song; We Are The World. The solo; Bob Dylan's part where he warbles, 'there's a choice we're making. We're changing our own lives...' As nervous as Arnica was knowing that he was going to need to stand up and play musical notes that the audience was going to be able to hear clearly, Arnica felt he was in good shape since Dylan sang his part in true Dylan fashion—horribly [don't get Arnica started on Dylan. that's another entry]. Dylan sang out of key, mumbled, was very pitchy, but created an amazing template and starting point from which Arnica could build on to be able to play poorly and still sit down afterwards with his dignity in tact.

The night of the concert finally came. Arnica came to the venue donning his best Bill Cosby sweater and with his mullet perfectly moussed for the occasion. The moment of truth came and Arnica stood up to take his solo. He opened his mouth to take a deep breath and—his lungs forgot how to suck in air. Arnica gasped. Arnica was standing there, staring at all those music loving Catholics, mere quarter-notes away from knocking everyone's socks off and he couldn't breath. He tried to suck in some air again but it was too late. The measure where his solo started was next. Mr. Hickey waved his stick at Arnica and it was off to the races.

Arnica successfully completed his first solo with only the few cubic inches of air that lingered in his body before he stood up. And he performed the solo so well that he had completed it a full ten seconds before his time was up. Arnica had plenty of time to sit down and realize he had soiled himself at some point during the performance.

It was a night to remember.

Take that D-Shap.


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